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Breaking: Elections Postponed!

Breaking: Elections Postponed!

Elections Postponed

October 7, 2022

Washington, U.S. (API)

Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Nancy Pelosi and Charles Schumer stood on the Capitol steps together and announced “the temporary postponement of the Congressional Elections” scheduled for early next month. 

“This is a bipartisan decision that was hard for all us us,” said Senate Minority McConnell, “but with the massive cyber interference of Russia, we decided this was the best decision for our democracy.”

“I would never have agreed to this,” House Leader McCarthy added, “unless our intelligence overwhelming evidence had shown me” regarding the interference.

Reaching out for comment from the White House, Spokesperson Smith said, “The President felt this was about Congress, and he let them take the lead. He did not want to interfere in another co-equal branch of government, but we were aware of this and were consulted.”

Fire-brand congressional representative Marjorie Taylor Green said, “this is a coup, it is an extremist coup against our country.”

History Professor Kelly Bowmer from the University of Colorado (South Fork) said, “elections are delayed around the world in order to preserve democracy. This is not unprecedented.” However, she was unsure if this had never occurred in U.S. History.

Ex-President Obama made a rare public appearance after the announcement and said “we should look at this moment in terms of, not a bad moment, but as an opportunity to strengthen our democracy and advance the democratic ideals of this great nation.”

One reporter asked Obama if postponing the election was a threat to our democracy. Obama replied “Sometimes history gives us a great possibilities at unexpected moments — this gives us a chance to reflect on recidivist forces, weaken them, and move forward with fundamental change.”

DHS Director Mayorkas said, “not only has my agency confirmed this, but our international partners, including the British and Canadians, have shared intelligence directly linking Russia cyber activity with internal home-grown threats that would take down our democracy. We take this seriously.

Mayorkas added, “any attempts to blame our democratically elected leaders is nothing but a fake news designed to deceive the public — the threats to our democracy are from Russia, and domestic insurgents, who have joined forces to undermine our great nation.”

Professor of Political Science Professor Panadou Bunting of the University of Washington (Poulsbo), “President (ex-President) Obama’s comments were correct, but I’ll be more plain — the entire history of this country has been of voting suppression against minorities — if there are White people upset about the delay of this election, that is too bad — our voting rights were delayed for centuries. Elections in this country are racist and White privilege. This is long overdue.”

The Governor of Colorado, Jared Polis, spoke briefly to the press saying,  “Governors across the country were consulted. We agreed. It is to protect our most sacred and cherished institution, our democracy.”

When asked if this could stir up a repeat of the January 6 insurrection, Polis said, “I warn those who threaten our democracy. We are ready to pounce with the full weight of our law enforcement and prosecutors. It is mostly an older generation with stains of racism and homophobia that hate our democracy and I can assure you there is no place for them it our future. They are the same vile people who stand in the way of LGBTQ rights for our children and oppose the teaching of a balanced view of history, commonly called CRT.”

Governor Abbot, of Texas, had this to say: “This is a troubling development. I do not agree with it. My staff will study this issue and we may file suit to overturn this decision.”

Steve Bannon, noted Trump firebrand and indicted co-conspirator of the 2021 Insurrection said, “This will not stand! We will make the phones ring in the halls of Congress until they overturn this decision!”

Regarding Bannon’s comments, one White House insider confided, “he and his Maga crowd are why this happened. We cannot allow an extremist minority, who do not respect our elections, to stampede the voters with fear and falsehoods.”

UP NEXT:  FEMA Director denies “Camps.” FEMA Spokesperson Andrews said, “we provide temporary emergency housing for events like hurricanes. We don’t do ‘camps.’  FEMA addresses rumors regarding “international advisors” under contract through the United Nations. Breaking, stay tuned.